Walking in Darkness, Walking in His Strength

“For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me” (Colossians 1:29).

Paul, the grand servant of the Lord, fearless, bold! Moving forward with daring boldness, his step brimming with confidence, his determination as he gets up again after being stoned and walks into that same Lystra, leaving the village folk stunned—not only that he was alive but he would come back! Paul! (See Acts 14 for that amazing story).

And me…. a stumbling uncertain servant. Unsure of the next step.

Where is that confident certainty? That bold this is what I know I need to do? Yes, there are those times. But not always. And maybe not the majority of the time. Am I off? Wrong? Certainly still growing. Does that mean there is too much flesh in me? I’m not working enough out of his strength?

I’m thinking in writing here, so please correct me if I’m wrong. I think sometimes we overly mystic-ify the experience of working from his strength. We have created a western image of Paul. Our culture highlights self-gumption, the self-made American dream. Coca-Cola, beer, and jean commercials promise confidence. Technology promises efficiency, boldness, great advancements. Weather, news, debates all tell us that we can be in control. And sometimes I think this American dream colors our vision of the Scriptures. When I’m working in the strength of Christ will I always have this perfect peace and confidence?

This cultural coloring leaves some of us in the dust... the child with autism and down syndrome, less. The one whose business crashed despite efforts, labeled failure. The one who waits, foolish. The anxious, just get it together. The sick, the old, the infirm, shoved aside. The doubting, pushed under the rug at church. The sorrowing, the lamenting, drowned under the volume of our praise music. The confident are allowed, the self-disciplined celebrated. 

I’m questioning. Confidence and peace, certainly! But how do we define those? Expect those? Paul clearly alludes to Christ’s energy in him, his power in him, his competency in him, his words in him (Col. 1:28-29; Eph. 1:18; Eph. 3:21; 2 Cor. 3:5-6; 1 Cor. 2:13; 1 Cor. 2:2). Yes! But…. This same Paul says he was beaten down but not destroyed, afflicted by not crushed, perplexed but not in despair (2 Cor. 4:8). Beaten down, afflicted, perplexed are strong words. Working in Christ’s strength didn’t mean he didn’t feel those, that those were not real descriptions. But they did not have the final say.

“And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling” (1 Cor. 2:3)

“since you seek proof that Christ is speaking in me. He is not weak in dealing with you, but is powerful among you. For he was crucified in weakness, but lives by the power of God. For we also are weak in him, but in dealing with you we will live with him by the power of God” (2 Cor. 13:3-4).

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Cor. 4:7-8).

They did not have the final say. I think we doubt and confidence, questioning and peace, lament and joy as mutually exclusive sometimes. But WHICH has the final say? And I think sometimes we trust a feeling more than God. WHO has the final say?

I’m not sure we will always have a bold confident peace that this decision is THE way, that this is what God is calling me to, that this is the next step, that this is where I need to go. Looking at Paul’s decision making in the book of Acts shows a lot more complexity. Nor am I sure that when I’m doing something in the flesh I will not have a form of peace (indeed, sometimes the rebellious Israelites seemed pretty peaceful in their apathetic religiosity! Flesh can be pretty blind sometimes in pride). Nor am I sure when I’m doing it in his strength that I will have a sense of confident peace. What I can have is a confident faith that God is working, that God is bigger than my decisions and in my decisions and using my decisions—and this gives the peace, the hope, even in the perplexity Paul speaks of.

I know my God is working. I know my God is bigger than I. I, jar of clay, in all my decisions and uncertainties and inability to see the future, I have this treasure—a God who is still working in me and through me and around me. A God who chooses the weak things of the world, who works through Ruths and Rahabs and mustard seeds and leaven.

I think sometimes I create unneedful anxiety and agony as I want to surpass my weakness and finitude and want a definite answer…. When I create a bifurcation between Christ and me in how he works in and through me….. When I overly mystic-ify what it means to have Christ work in and through me as if frail finite me becomes superwoman because I my weakness no longer exist but has been subsumed. 

He works.

In me. Finite me.

Peace.

Confidence that is beyond the confidence of this certain step, event, or decision.
Confidence in him. WHO.
Confidence even in doubt. WHICH.

“Who among you fears the Lord

    and obeys the voice of his servant?

Let him who walks in darkness

    and has no light

trust in the name of the Lord

    and rely on his God” (Isaiah 50:10).

Trust and relying are not mutually exclusive with darkness. I seek, I beg for direction and for him to work in and through me. And if he doesn’t give a bold, clear answer, there is still confidence and peace. GOD is BIGGER and BETTER. He still works, in little jars of clay like me. Like the failed business man, the child with a disability, in miscarriages, in the adulterous woman, the leper, the abused, the infirm, the sick. Trusting in darkness can be scarier, having peace in doubt, questioning in confidence, confidence in uncertainty, being perplexed but not in despair can be scarier,—but it places our trust in HIM more than an experience, more than a feeling of peace, more than a certain decision. We look to him. Our Wonderful Counselor, the Prince of Peace, the Ruler of the Nations and the proverbial butterfly wings that can spawn a hurricane, present in each fumbling, stumbling step of clay to establish his glory forever.

*What does it look like, feel like to you for Christ to work in you, through you? What do you expect? 
* Do you think we have some false expectations of the Christian life sometimes? 
* How have you seen Christ working through your weakness? How have you seen this treasure in your jar of clay? Celebrate that! Share! Testimony and praise time!