Self-Control

Self-control… In a culture for which freedom is the ultimate value, where self-expression rules, self-control is not valued.  Prudish. Victorian. Tight-laced. Constraining.

Yet, the beauty soaring from a pianist—self-control.

The glowing pride of a sweat-dropped athlete lifting the gold medal—self-control.

The healing listening of a friend, the grace-filled response of a quiet heart in light of anger—self-control.

In a chaotic world of unfocus, internet, two-second ads, clashing hearts, touching-without-really-touching, driveness, addictions to drugs and careers and family and pride, self-control can breathe life.

It is self-control that brings freedom. Will we be driven by our career? Will we be driven by what others think? Will we be driven by our passions, victims of our our selves? True freedom is not the self without limits, it is the poised strength of a self choosing what is beautiful and good and best.

In my week of anxiety, controlled seemed to dominate self. Attempts to control. Fears overwhelmed. Jeering thoughts that rattle against the skull. Racing heart that pummels against the rib cage. Hormonal fear so tight it chokes and smothers. Control?

Control? In a world of crazy presidential races and nuclear bombs? Of persecution where fanatics give full blood cry to their howling hate? Where commercials bombard us have it your way? Where chocolate is touted as sinfully delicious? Indulge yourself is the message of every billboard? When credit cards invite out of control spending on self? When financial circumstances are so tight one is tempted to steal just to put food on the table. When your spouse lashes out in obvious lack of self-control and the temptation is to respond in like. When everyone else is indulging self and you  just want to fit in--sex with a boyfriend, drugs, drinking buddies after work. When your brother has the toy for far longer than his share and he needs some self-control to share. Control?

Yet, the tension is that self-control does not come from self. Self is never in control as much as we want to think so, try to delude ourselves so for some scrap of comfort. I am driven instead by my passions, lash out aimlessly in response to fear, and am directed by the pressure to please others. How! I try, try, set New Year’s Resolutions, seek an accountability group, set goals…. So self is out of control. Thus, self cannot create self-control. Without self-control, I cannot cultivate self-control. Nothing plus nothing equals nothing. I stand, empty handed, empty-hearted, looking at a beauty I cannot grasp, longing for the strains of the piano music I can’t grasp.

Instead of the piano music, it is the raging beat of anxiety, of materialism, of people-pleasing, of circumstances, fear.

But the artist steps down.

Christ in his beauty steps down into my lack of grace, lack of poise, lack of self-control. He, the one who had angry onslaughts thrown at him by the Pharisees and responded with grace and truth. Christ, for whom neither people’s praise and shouts of “Crown him king!” (John 6) and “Hosanna” threw him off course or made him inflate with pride. Christ, for whom the circumstances of shame, flogging, Pilate’s ironic retorts, Peter’s denials, never threw him off course or make him react out of fear or anger. He was in control, the Son of God, the Son of Man, in self-control.

Yet, he was subjected to our passions and pride of men who threw curses at him and ours that nailed him to the cross, the fears of humans who reacted at the threat to their self-righteousness and pride, the whims of angry men, the evil of our own lack of self-control (for look what evil it can bring about! My God on the cross!). Doing so, he frees us from our passions. For we have his self-control given to us in the Spirit (Gal. 5:22), in his life imputed to us. We are transformed into him, and his responses become our responses. Doing so, he frees us from our fears, in that we now have access to a Father who cares for our every need. We have the presence of Christ himself who speaks to us on the midnight stormy seas, “Peace. Do not be afraid, it is I.” Doing so, he frees us from the pressure to please as we know we are loved even while we were still enemies, we are accepted in the Beloved by the Almighty Judge, the only one whose opinion really matters.

Christ frees us from self so we can be self-controlled. We can enter into the harmonious ballet dance, two dancers perfectly trained, moving perfectly in tune with each other, a beautiful freedom, movement in control. We dance with the Lord of the Dance. We keep step with the Spirit who produces his fruit in us, of which one of the expression is self-control.

And yet more beauty and wonders await us as we grow in self-control. The dance picks up tempo, and we in Christ keep step in the beautiful swirl, caught up in him. It is self-control that reaps an imperishable crown (1 Cor. 9:25). It is self-control that is joined with power and love, a beautiful harmonious expression (2 Tim. 1:7).  It is self-control that is part and parcel of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness; the fruit is one, it cannot be separated. Without one, all are lacking in some measure; there is not the fullness of fruition. It is self-control that brings out a quiet beauty in us, perceived by all, and pointing to Christ in us (1 Tim. 2:9).

Self-control comes not from self. A gift of grace. And as we see more of Christ, the perfect Son of Man, we dwell on his grace, we let go of self to receive his self, we grow in self-control. For self-control is a gift of grace.

“For the GRACE of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live SELF-CONTROLLED, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our BLESSED HOPE, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who GAVE HIMSELF for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works” (Titus 2:11-14).