Exchange

I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service,  though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.

1 Timothy 1:13-17

Paul had every reason for shame. Social--he was rejected by his fellow peers, those who had esteemed him and whom he had esteemed. Spiritual--he could have felt such guilt and shame for who he had been. Shame was a perpetual hallmark of his current ministry in the Greco-Roman world. He was ill, came in weakness and trembling, did not use fancy rhetoric, worked with his hands, all hallmarks of shame (Gal. 4:14; 1 Cor. 2:3; 1:17; ch. 9). He did not feel sufficient, for he wrote, “Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us sufficient to be ministers of a new covenant” (2 Cor. 3:5-6a). From self, others, socially and spiritually, he could have felt shame.

We often paint a picture of him as the fearless, bold, never-having-a-fight-with-shame apostle. But maybe Satan too sent fiery darts, temptations to feel that stinging blush of shame, to feel that head-lowering curtain of shame?

But Paul lived out the promise of Zephaniah 3 in a very personal way: “I will change their shame into praise and renown in all the earth” (granted, this promise had far larger, more cosmic implications). His reason for shame was, instead, a reason for thanksgiving (“I thank him”), dependence (“who has given me strength”), service (“because he appointed me”), grace, praise, example. As Jesus displayed his perfect patience in Paul, Paul had a reason for joy precisely in what the world would have seen as shame, what Satan would have thrown in soul-tearing accusations.

And you and I?

THOUGH formerly ______ (fill in the blank with your shame), insufficient, finite, indecisive, not enough, dirty, bad, prideful, sinful, people-pleaser, perfectionist trampling over others, weak, thrown to the side, miserly, fearful, etc.

BUT

We received mercy!

For this reason, that in us, Jesus Christ might display his perfect _______ (fill in the blank with whatever is opposite your shame), patience, sufficiency, servanthood, boldness, confidence, giving, courage. And where? Precisely, precisely in those areas that shame tends to linger.

There is such a link between grace and joy, grace and the removal of shame. For shame is when we stand on our own feet and are not enough and fail. Grace is standing on Christ’s life, his work, his success, his victory. It can be hard to let go of the shame, for it means a collapsing of my efforts, my work, my standards, my chances of being-enough. It takes a reorienting of values and a complete change in worldview. Like Paul, what was once treasured is dung compared to knowing Christ (Phil. 3:9-10). It takes listening to Christ more than the being-torn-down values of your heart and the values of the world. But here, joy.

Do not hold onto your labels, your work, your failures. Hold onto Christ. Accept our finitude and dependency, and accept Christ's sufficiency.

To this King, to this King who may be invisible but whose touches of grace are more real, more solid than the shadows of shame. Who in his immortality is actively engaged in this time, this season, this moment and who at this moment is lifting your shame and taking the accusations thrown at you. To the only God, who alone will be lifted up.