Dangerous….

I have what I call dangerous prayers. Like the joked about, "Don't pray for patience because you'll need it then" type of prayers. However, I have a tendency to pray dangerous prayers.

• Jesus, change me into your likeness.
  
• Lord, develop my character.
  
• My Father God, I want to love you more. Teach me to love you.
  
• My Savior, I want to trust in you more. Teach me faith.
  
• Holy Spirit, help me—and if necessary, shout in my ear. I'm hard of hearing sometimes.
  

 

Yesterday, I wanted to stop praying for character development. I have such a mix of emotions right now—the joy of being here, finding friendships with the students; a deep knowledge that I am blessed; the (self-inflicted?) confusion of getting my mind around school, homework, Spanish, my to-do lists; and the bewildering turn-your-world-upside-down confusion of culture shock as I'm digging deeper into the culture and seeing more areas where I thought I understood but now realize I don't...(Is this a different value or solely a different perspective, or individual, or what does it say about the culture? How should I respond? Is this good? What does this say about my culture? Is one better?)

 

Added to that is the pain of character development—I have had glances into my heart that I don't like. Honestly, frankly, ouch-fully. And gratefully. I think. But, I am continuing on in his strength and daily grace—thank goodness for his daily grace!—and I am continuing to pray for character development. I want to be his light. I want to want to be like Jesus more than anything else.

 

And, I guess I have to ask: are these really dangerous prayers?

Is not our Father good and knows what we need even before we ask him (Mt. 6:8)? Even if what we need is a good big dose of humility, repentance, and ouch?

 

Won't he work out all things for our good? (Rom. 8:28)

Even if the good is a little different than what I had imagined?

 

And He who did not spare his own Son—won't he graciously give us all things? (Rom. 8:32) Even if I want more of something and less of something else?

 

And won't He use our discipline to create a harvest of righteousness? (Heb. 12)